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Sex with roadkill

Sometimes when I'm driving along the road, I see a dead fox or badger that has been semi squished by a car. The fucking thing is clearly dead but it gives me a raging hard on. When I can I return to the place when it gets dark because people don't understand - especially those RSPCA cunts. When I get there I just peel a little bit of the dead animal off the road and then wrap it round my knob. Sometimes I'll layer it if I've been lucky enough to see another bit of roadkill that I've managed to scrape from the Tarmac. I tried to get the best spots listed on google earth but the fuckers didnt allow it. Does anyone know any good spots? Deer would be amazing. I fucking love bambi. 

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Permalink Reply by Hugh Jass on April 25, 2011 at 4:24pm
its a bit early fo deer right now in scotland but hedgehogs are abundant right now after hibernation and if your lucky a quick blow up the hogs colon gets it back in shape enough to get a few inches of shaft up..the art is to stroke slowly and try not to get yer baws all prickly but im sure for a determined hogophiliac this is a hazard of the job...i find that in the borders rabbits,hares and pheasants go down well messy but worth the stench...a steamrollered bagder is the ultimate roadkillaphilacs dream prize but tb can be a problem but once the semi is there nothing stops you
Permalink Reply by Daddymoan on April 25, 2011 at 4:34pm

Fucking the shit out of road kill is an art, it is best to get in a position where you are likely to see a fresh one such as a hedgehog tunnel that you have conveniently blocked up!!!!!  then you need to get the fuckers when they are still warm, if you are not prepared to put this effort in you might as well go to fucking Tes cunting co and raid the fresh meat counter, or if you like it warm, go to the hot food counter and wait until it cools down a bit!!!

 

Permalink Reply by MrCunty on April 26, 2011 at 12:26pm

Fuck me that hedgehog tunnel idea is fucking genius!!! Warm meat is okay - although I prefer that raw heat you get from when roadkill has been driven over several times on a hot day. There's something about the smell of dead roadkill fanny (or indeed shitter) when it's had a bit of exhaust fume marinade with it.

 

When times are hard, I do go down to the butchers and buy some meat. I usually take a shit on it and leave it out in the sun for the maggots to infest it for the extra movement. Fuck, I've actually got a boner just thinking about it...


Daddymoan said:

Fucking the shit out of road kill is an art, it is best to get in a position where you are likely to see a fresh one such as a hedgehog tunnel that you have conveniently blocked up!!!!!  then you need to get the fuckers when they are still warm, if you are not prepared to put this effort in you might as well go to fucking Tes cunting co and raid the fresh meat counter, or if you like it warm, go to the hot food counter and wait until it cools down a bit!!!

 

Permalink Reply by MrCunty on April 26, 2011 at 12:27pm
"blow up the hogs colon" hahahaha!!!!!

hugh jass said:
its a bit early fo deer right now in scotland but hedgehogs are abundant right now after hibernation and if your lucky a quick blow up the hogs colon gets it back in shape enough to get a few inches of shaft up..the art is to stroke slowly and try not to get yer baws all prickly but im sure for a determined hogophiliac this is a hazard of the job...i find that in the borders rabbits,hares and pheasants go down well messy but worth the stench...a steamrollered bagder is the ultimate roadkillaphilacs dream prize but tb can be a problem but once the semi is there nothing stops you
Permalink Reply by Daddymoan on April 26, 2011 at 4:15pm

Hey Mr Cunty cunt bollocks, nice to see you being fucking funny again, I was beginning to think that you were some kind of ass to mouth cock sucking knob jockey, sometimes it's nice to be wrong!!!!

 

Permalink Reply by MrCunty on April 26, 2011 at 4:17pm

Oh no - I do still like to chug on a good length of cock every now and then - it helps to keep things in perspective I find :0)



Daddymoan said:

Hey Mr Cunty cunt bollocks, nice to see you being fucking funny again, I was beginning to think that you were some kind of ass to mouth cock sucking knob jockey, sometimes it's nice to be wrong!!!!

 

Permalink Reply by Daddymoan on April 26, 2011 at 4:20pm
fair enough, each to his own!!!
Permalink Reply by Hugh Jass on April 26, 2011 at 4:32pm
a cock in the hand is worth two in the mooth...hey daddymoan whats this you droppin a stone of dung over ma morag thats my jobbie shes partial tae a good tip out all over her tits freshens her up
Permalink Reply by Daddymoan on April 27, 2011 at 1:29am
Sometimes you've just got to dump your shit where you arse tells you to, not where you choose
Permalink Reply by MrCunty on April 27, 2011 at 1:30am
haha!

Daddymoan said:
Sometimes you've just got to dump your shit where you arse tells you to, not where you choose
Permalink Reply by Mary Honk on August 3, 2011 at 5:47pm
WHATS YOUR FAVE ROADKILL TO PUMP
Permalink Reply by Oscar Foxtwat on August 3, 2011 at 5:49pm
ARMARDILDO

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